Your True Face Is Only for the Backstage, Psychologists Say
We all wear masks, you know, not the disposable white ones, but the invisible faces we put on every morning. Think of that carefully crafted persona you use at work, or the one you deploy when meeting your in-laws. Psychologists call this "masking" or self-presentation, and they say it’s not just a vanity project, but an essential performance to keep the whole social world from boiling over.
Life Is Just a Lagos Stage Play
Sociologist Erving Goffman nailed this way back in 1956 with his dramaturgical analysis, essentially arguing that life is one long theatre show. We are the actors, our offices and houses are the "front stage," and the audience is everyone we meet. You put on a consistent "front"-your manner, your dressing-to make sure people take you seriously. You can't be cracking jokes in a job interview the same way you do while sharing isi ewu at a buka.
And there’s a real motive behind the act. People are mostly driven to manage impressions to maximize social rewards and minimize punishment, according to a 1990 theory by Leary and Kowalski. You want affection, respect, and maybe even a promotion, but you sure as hell don’t want embarrassment or rejection.
Who Is the Real You, Anyway?
The core motivation often boils down to two types of presentation. You have the prosocial style, where you try to be likable and a good role model. Then there's the self-serving style, where you might focus on appearing highly skilled or intimidating-you know, to gain power (Social Sci LibreTexts).
But here is where the problem starts, the little pepper in the soup. Masking is a coping mechanism. It’s what people do to fit into perceived societal norms, hiding negative feelings like sadness or frustration with a positive or neutral exterior (Wikipedia). For some, especially individuals on the autism spectrum, this constant camouflaging is a fear-driven effort to blend in.
The Cost of a Seamless Performance
You might be getting what you want-the job, the friends-but there’s a serious psychological cost to keeping that smile plastered on. Constant masking is linked to loneliness and confusion about one’s own identity, as people struggle to separate their true self from the role they are playing. That’s because the real you, the one who doesn't have to perform, only comes out in the "backstage" areas, where the audience can’t see.
And, you know, maybe that’s the deal. Maybe the price of having an ordered society, of being able to work and trade and share a bottle of cold Star without incident, is that the authentic, raw self must remain a tightly held secret. You play the part, you get the cheque, you keep the peace.
But how much of your "performance" are you willing to give up just to feel a little more like yourself?